The Cafe Pickup

When the rules of Brunette Confidential are applied, they will enhance your breakfast digestion. Speaking of smooth, let me remind you of a pickup from a few weeks ago when a Bagel Man introduced himself by giving me his business card with his cell phone number handwritten on the back (which feels like an eternity ago since I had a crazy englishman visit which was followed by a hot Toronto police officer visit that has left me with a smashed over the head smitten feeling-more on that later). Back to the BC rules. Let me get specific on my point:

Brunette Confidential Rule #5: Never call a guy if he gives you his business card with his private cell phone number handwritten on the back. Don't call him.

No, that isn't his business card. It's a sample business card that merely punucuates a lousy cafe pickup. I never did see the bagel guy at the bagel shops again. Nope. Never. But, I'm not a complete creature of habit and so one morning I went to a different cafe known for their strong coffee and indecent trade habits.


Sitting against the window was a familiar figure. One that I know I've already foreshadowed as sitting in such a place looking to pray on unsuspecting brunette and dolls alike.. yes, the bagel man.

I was with having breakfast with my sister and I noticed the bagel man. Small world! My sister wanted me to immediately join him at his table but I know how to keep my game in check. I drank my black unsweeten ice tea with one packet of raw sugar on the side (my only real addiction in life) and enjoyed my "low-fat" muffin. On the way out, I stopped at his table and opened it like this:

ME
Hey, good morning...ah..(waiting for him to drop his name)..

BAGEL MAN
It's Bagel Man. (I extend a formal handshake to him). Miss Brunette, right?

ME
Yes...

At that exact instance, I recall how Bagel Dude had told me at the bagel shop how he had just experienced the worst two weeks of his life. I had been shaking his hand when I notice that unlike the previous three times I had seen him, he was wearing a wedding ring. What?!

Outside Starbucks Cafe, my sister was all over it. She got worked up that bagel man had been so indecent as to have removed his wedding ring each time we had seen him. My sister, being married, is always the first to notice these details. She's calling him a womanizer, slut, and all things a married man seeking a single lady should be called.

However, I've got a just way of looking at things. I think I've fabricated the perfect story that fits this occasion and so I share it.

Bagel Man in the midst of the worst two weeks of his life not only doubts his new career as a real estate agent but doubts his marriage as well. At a bagel shop, he finds an opportunity to run from life in the shape of a brunette and timidly gives his business card to the girl. She doesn't call because, ladies, if he wants you then you know it. Cut to Starbucks breakfast morning when miss brunette runs into him. A sigh of relief exists in Bagel Man's eyes that the girl hadn't called him. Bagel Man rejoices that he didn't mess up his life with the wife he loves over what amounts to a bunch of stress at the office. Bagel Man returns to reading the bible or some other life enhancing book. Miss Brunette is glad she stuck to her guns and didn't chase a rabbit. Everybody is happy. The coffee is strong and the ice tea is rad.

I've always been a gal for happy endings. But, the path to happiness would take a wild ride with an englishman in order to find real bliss with a man that sometimes walks the street with a gun.